Conversation Killers

Whenever you engage in conversation, there are a number of things to remember–particularly that the key word is “engage.” You can kill a conversation very easily by committing one of these sins:

1. Hijacking a conversation
2. Lack of eye contact
3. Ghost listening
4. Shameless self promotion
5. Making tasteless jokes
6. Being negative
7. Dead-end answers

Let’s start at the top:

1. When you hijack a conversation you either insert yourself into one that is already going on or you turn what had been an even, comfortable exchange into a monologue by you. Let people be and let them talk naturally.
2. Lack of eye contact. This shows imediately that you are not interested or paying attention to your conversant. And it proves you are not listening. Unlike your dog, it is okay to lock eyes with the person you are engaged in conversation with.
3. Ghost listening. “Uh-huh.” “Mmmm.” And otehr sounds of disinterest. Your conversant can tell you aren’t really engaged and that your mind is wandering back to Cancun. Get with it and actively listen and echange!
4. Shameless self-promotion. As noted in an earlier post in this space: this is not about you. “I” is the one word you should ban from your vocabulary if at all possible. Take “me” with it when it goes. Listen to people and ask about them. It will take the conversation to places you want to go.
5. Making tasteless jokes. You want a conversation to go up in flames along with your reputation? Just tell an off-color joke or story and you can watch first hand. If you suspect at all that someone will be offended, don’t say anything. It’s not just being PC, it’s being polite.
6. Being negative. nothing kills a mood or a moment more that someone who can’t be positive, who only sees the bad in anything. If you can’t be bright or smile, go home and try again another time.
7. Dead-end answers. “Yes” and “no” and other utterances associated with closed-end questions are another candidate for banning.

Relentless